Weekend: 12-13 March 2016

  • Went to K-Mart after work and bought myself a bag, shoes and a scarf. Treat yo’self 🙂
  • Bought a dozen canolis in celebration of my father-in-law’s birthday
  • Visited my mother-in-law for tea and canolis
  • Receiving hilarious showbags from a country show in our area. We got those horse head masks in ours which was hilarious
  • Picking up our friends on the way back home.
  • Watching The Lobster. I loved it – definitely an acquired taste and very strange, but I loved the style of the movie.
  • Watching some episodes of American Ninja Warrier with our friends
  • Saying goodbye to our friends after midnight and deciding to do a  impromptu gym session in our new home gym
  • Going to bed tired and happy
  • Sleeping in on Saturday and relishing the light streaming in through the bedroom window
  • Complaining about the heat – it may be Autumn now but Summer seems to want to stay
  • Cancelling our gym memberships and buying groceries
  • Eating a big lunch of my mum’s traditional food – black beans with rice, cheese and sugar bananas. Yummm
  • Picking up our friends and heading over to the country show
  • Sweating in the heat while watching pig races, lumberjacks competing in wood chopping, whipcrack demonstrations, and classically, a guy playing a guitar while seated on a cow wearing a hat.
  • Sitting at the main arena waiting for the monster trucks
  • Amazed at the defeaning sound of the monster trucks as they entered the arena
  • Watching a few normal jumps, before one did a jump a little too fast and ALMOST FLIPPED OVER. It didn’t but landed with a crunch on its front steering rod which snapped cleanly in two. Cut the show short, but it was very exciting.
  • Watching a hilarious comedy exchange between a guy and his horse.
  • Going on a few rides as night fell and enjoying the speed and being flipped upside down
  • Heading to dinner at one of our favourite Italian restaurants
  • Ordering a red wine and tucking into a delicious pasta
  • Catching the end of the fireworks from the restaurant
  • Ordering a creme brûlée. Yum
  • Heading home sleepy but happy
  • Waking up early on Sunday morning to get ready for a big day. It was our family’s annual picnic day to celebrate my father-in-law’s birthday. We always go to Thirroul beach which has a nice park for the young kids to play in as well.
  • However before going to the beach, Cejay had his first trial soccer game of the season at 9am.
  • Hanging out with a friend while watching the soccer and relishing being outside in the beautiful weather with a coffee.
  • Enjoying the game and Cejay’s team winning
  • Getting a little concerned when things turned a bit hostile on the field.
  • Heading to the beach!
  • Chatting with friends and family and playing some ball games
  • Having a bbq lunch
  • Heading to the beach and diving in to the freeeeeezing cold water
  • Battling against the very rough waves and enjoying the sand, salt and water
  • Getting out after a while and heading to the sea salt pool
  • Chatting with friends while relaxing in the pool
  • Getting out after more than an hour, getting changed and enjoying some cheesecake that my friend made
  • Feeling tired and helping to pack up as we headed home
  • Did some quick laundry and housework before settling in to watch Spectre. A decent Bond movie.
  • Heading to bed to get ready for another week.

Weekend: 5-6 March 2016

  • Coming home from a busy week of work. I was absolutely exhausted on Friday. I was up since 6am and was going, going, going all day.
  • Making one of my mum’s signature dishes of mince, carrots, tomato sauce and rice for dinner, which Cejay specifically requested.
  • Cooking a very nice dinner, but it’s never the same as Mum’s.
  • Sending Cejay out for some red wine while the food was cooking.
  • Having a glass of wine and relaxing with dinner.
  • Knowing that friends would be coming over at some point.
  • Remembering that I had agreed to cut my brothers’ hair at 10pm on Friday night as that was the only time that fit all three of our schedules (Yes, I cut their hair. No, I am not a qualified hairdresser. No, I do not force them. Yes, they actually ask me to do it. Yes, they somehow prefer my haircuts to ones that actual hairdressers give them. And yes, I think I do a pretty damn good job!)
  • Hanging out with friends.
  • Setting up the hairdressing area.
  • Complaining about my current clippers and suggesting they buy me a really good set as payment.
  • Laughing at how picky my brothers can get in regard to their haircuts. They could never be this picky with actual hairdressers. Maybe that’s why they get me to cut their hair.
  • Watching funny youtube videos in the middle of cutting hair.
  • Feeling tired and happy when they both finally declared their haircuts perfect (dude, they’re both really picky – they’re lucky I even do this for them).
  • Smiling as they cleaned up for me.
  • Saying goodbye to our friends.
  • Having a good old chat with my brothers and Cejay which somehow took us to 2am.
  • Saying goodbye to my brothers and retreating to bed.
  • Sleeping in on Saturday morning, only to hurriedly get dressed in order to make a morning meeting.
  • Putting on a dress and doing make up in record time.
  • Relishing the warm Summer weather and spending time with my mother in law after the meeting for a few hours.
  • Coming home and having a nap for at least an hour – we lost track of time.
  • Waking up to a message from someone on Gumtree – we have been looking for gym equipment for a few days, and hit the jackpot with someone selling a treadmill, squat rack, full weights, bars, lat pull machine, dip machine and exercise bike for an insane price. We were delighted when we found out the equipment was still up for sale.
  • Agreeing to a price and being super excited about having a home gym finally!
  • Deciding to be spontaneous and pick up the gym equipment that very evening.
  • Asking my mother-in-law if we could borrow the van.
  • Picking up the van and driving an hour away to pick up the equipment.
  • Playing tetris as we loaded the gym equipment into the van.
  • Finally coming home after a long escapade of picking up an entire gym.
  • Having a sneaky KFC dinner as celebration – we will work off the calories in our home gym haha!
  • Heading over to friend’s house and watching the EPL game. Arsenal and Tottenham tied (we’re Arsenal fans).
  • Coming home at 2am, exhausted.
  • Collapsing into bed.
  • Enjoying a sleep in.
  • Deciding against our original plans to go to the beach to set up the new gym. We would need to return the van for Monday.
  • Deciding to swap out the current guest room for the home gym, and make the 4th bedroom the guest bedroom.
  • Taking apart the bed and cleaning up the room.
  • Loading the room with the gym equipment.
  • Enlisting my brother and his friend to assist in taking out the heavy treadmill and awkward shaped lat pull machine.
  • Feeling totally proud of ourselves when everything fit in the room perfectly. PHEW!
  • Heading out to buy mats for the gym, groceries and a roast chicken for dinner.
  • Coming home to slightly messy house – the mattress for the guest bed was in the hallway from the move.
  • Having a nice roast dinner, doing some laundry, and then deciding to tackle the bedroom because we knew that if we left it, the house would stay messy till the next weekend.
  • Going through the 4th bedroom which has become our ‘store room’ and finally chucking out a whole bunch of stuff.
  • Moving the bed back in and feeling the satisfaction of seeing two totally clean and organised rooms (the study is next – the floor is currently hidden by piles and piles of books. We have ordered a bookcase which should be available any day now).
  • Going to bed way too late for a Sunday, but feeling happy.

It’s the little things that make you happy

Over the years, I’ve been trying to figure out what makes me truly happy. A lot of it are the little things. Like a cup of tea, flowers, candles, food, strawberries, a glass of red wine. It doesn’t have to be big things all the time. I don’t need to be going on big trips or planning holiday after holiday.

After Cejay and I got married, I was a little worried about what life would be like after the wedding. For over two years, we were thinking and planning about the wedding. It was a process I mostly enjoyed. I think a big part of it was that big expectation of something big happening – the fact that there was something to look forward to.

Something I know about myself is that if I don’t have something to look forward to, I tend to spiral into a bit of a depression. I have been depressed a few times in my life at different stages, and it’s always difficult to get myself out of it. It’s something that’s taken me years and lots of trial and error to try and understand myself and the triggers, and what actually helps me in feeling better. Depression and anxiety are hand in hand for me. When the anxiety gets too much, the depression tends to set in. The fact is, anxiety, for me, is a normal fact of life. I have started to learn ways to control it, but I know that if I let it rule my life, it starts getting harder to face my day each morning, and I become an extreme pessimist.

So, over the years, I’ve learnt that usually I:

  1. Need something to look forward to; and
  2. Need to fill my days with little happy things.

1 and 2 above don’t necessarily need to be extravagant things. I am happy enough looking forward to going to my parent’s house for dinner. I am happy enough looking forward to reading a new book. Or watching a new show. Or eating a particular meal.

The little happy things are what I have already mentioned. They don’t need to be expensive. I don’t need to be going to Europe every year to make me feel happy.

It’s those things, that when done each day, contribute to my overall happiness and a feeling of peace in my life. This is not something I learnt overnight, but probably over a course of 10-15 years.

If you find that you’re struggling with anxiety and depression, find those happy little things. It could be something as small as walking your dog each afternoon, or enjoying a small block of chocolate each day. Those small things can’t be underestimated, and I feel like in today’s world full of Instagram photos of people with their Chanel bags and holidays to Ibiza, those materialistic goods and wants can really get in the way of just being happy with those little things that don’t cost that much, but provide you with a huge source of happiness.

Jess xo

Weekend: 30-31 January 2016

Had a good relaxing weekend, which was nice as we are going overseas on Thursday 🙂

  • Slept in after a busy week
  • Got my eyebrows done (I have them threaded)
  • Waited for an eternity while my husband registered for soccer for the year
  • Made a last minute decision to skip out on a travel expo due to being too busy
  • Ran around doing some errands
  • Cooking chorizo and prosciutto pasta for lunch – we hadn’t cooked it for months
  • Relaxing and recuperating
  • Watching the women’s Australian Open final with friends
  • Chatted and watched some funny shows with friends until the early hours of the morning
  • Going to bed way too late
  • Waking up and getting ready for the beach
  • Feeling grateful for the gorgeous sunny weather – I’ve really been disliking the Summer weather we’ve been having. Way too much rain and not enough beach worthy days
  • Going for a good beach run with Cejay and dodging bluebottles
  • Going for a swim in the ocean
  • Collapsing on the sand and having a sleep
  • Taking some funny slow-mo and time lapse videos of Cejay in the ocean
  • Driving back home and picking up some groceries on the way
  • Making Cejay’s favourite pasta for a late lunch – chicken, mushroom and tomato and creamy pesto sauce
  • Relaxing at home and watching the Men’s Australian Open final
  • Going to bed and getting rest for a big week ahead.

Monday, Bloody Monday

Today it is Friday! As we all know, everyone loves Friday because the entire weekend is ahead of you. You’ve just gotten through another week and you’re probably feeling proud and accomplished of the work that was achieved over the last 5 days, and now it’s time for a well deserved rest.

But everyone hates Monday because it is the start of another working week. Time to do it all again. However, what I’m trying to do is change my perspective of Monday. It is a new opportunity. It is a new chance. It means new beginnings. We all love new year don’t we? Despite the fact that we have to “do it all again?” Isn’t that essentially what Mondays are? Instead of it being a new year though, it is a new week. Why should that affect the way we treat Mondays? Sure it means you can’t sleep in until lunchtime, sure it means you actually have to get dressed for work and go into horrid peak hour traffic, but it still means a new beginning.

I want life to be lived. I don’t want to wake up after 20, 30, 40, 50 years and look back at how much I hated Mondays. In fact, back in my old job I only really started getting excited on Wednesday nights because it meant hump day was over. It meant there was only 2 days left being the lower end of the 5 day scale. In Sydney we have late night shopping on Thursday nights, so that meant I had something to look forward to on Thursdays, and Fridays were always good.

And to be honest, to get to that line of thinking where I actually felt happy on Wednesday nights took me some time. Before that I worked to feeling happy on Thursday nights because there was only one day of work left. Before that, I was only ever happy after lunch on Fridays because it was the last leg of the race. Only a few more hours till home time.

It’s all about perspective. And now, I don’t want to hate my Mondays. My Mondays are MINE. They are my opportunity in life. Tuesdays are always a bit better because, well, it was never a Monday. Wednesdays were sometimes hard because you were still dealing with most of the week left. But I am going to work as hard as possible to at least appreciate my Mondays. I’m going to try to appreciate every Monday I have. Because who knows, it could be the start to an AMAZING week.

Jess

Growth

As a 23 year old, I tend to think about life. A lot.

What am I supposed to be doing? Am I happy? Do I suddenly want a baby? Do I want 4 babies? Do I want to travel overseas? Do I even have money to travel overseas? Do I want that dress? Do I want that bag? How can I get enough money for a Chanel bag? Do I want to dye my hair silver? Am I hungry? Yes. What do I want to eat? I DON’T KNOW

Life is bewildering. It has, strangely, become harder since I finished university and entered the work force. I am no longer governed by university or school timetables. I no longer have allocated holidays each semester. I no longer have various weekdays free that I used to take for granted (I mean, have you ever tried dealing with a bank or doctors when they are only open during your working hours? Seriously, how does that even make sense?)

I now deal with the realities of bills, a limited amount of annual leave days, expensive flights and hotel prices if I ever want to go anywhere as I can only do these things on weekends. I have slowly morphed into a 50 year old who enjoys spending time on the couch all weekend, every weekend. Well, that is what I’d prefer to be doing, but my group of friends (who are all incredibly lovely) like to actually do things which means I need to get off the couch and actually socialise.

Don’t get me wrong – I consider myself an adventure lover. I LOVE the outdoors, I feel alive at the beach and I love going out. But there was definitely a period in my life, which I am still trying to get over the effects of, where I was studying full time finishing off a bachelors and doing a graduate certificate simultaneously, working full time, planning a wedding and moving out, ALL AT ONCE. It was insane, it was crazy. It meant I was out of the house from 7.30am each morning to head to work, going immediately to night classes after work and coming home at around 10.30pm most nights, where I would wolf down a very late dinner and absolutely FORCE myself to study for the next day’s class. I had little sleep, I ate horribly, I was exhausted, but due to my personality, I kept going and steamrolled through all of it.

I did that for about 18 months. But it definitely took its toll. I had only just turned 21 when that started.

That period in my life was 18 months ago from now. It is still taking its toll. It’s caused me to search through my soul deeply, and some of the answers I have found has caused me to truly question myself. More annoyingly, some of the answers are still yet to be found, which frustrates me.

But that’s life. I’m incredibly young, and I know that others my age experience this as well. This soul-wrenching, soul-crushing, soul-searching extravaganza where we are trying to figure out who we are in a world full of possibilities, opportunities, and choice.

So this is what this blog is going to be about. I’ve thought about this blog a lot. I’ve started others in years past and never really felt like what I was writing was me. But now, at this time in my life, I need to write it down. Because I thought I’d have it together by now. In some instances, I do. I have a gorgeous husband – and I consider myself so incredibly fucking lucky to have him because the way we got together and the way we are is a rare story (we’ve been together since we were 15) and I am completely aware that not everyone gets together with the love of their life in high school.

But there is also a part of me which is SURPRISED. I finished school, I got the job. Why wasn’t I completely happy? Why was I craving other things? I was supposed to be ‘set’. And I was. But being ‘set’ in life and being happy can sometimes mean completely different things.

I’m going to explore this on this blog as I wonder through life and learn, learn, learn. I hope that this will become a platform for us to share our experiences together. Because we are NOT alone. No way. Everyone has their path, everyone has their insecurities and questions and gosh, sometimes it is just easier to pour your heart out in words and let it all out there. Because that way I know I’m going to grow. And I hope you will grow with me.